It's My Birthday, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

35....and counting.

It's just short of two weeks since the girls passed. I have been to the grave several times since then. To reclaim the cross arrangement from the site. To refresh the grounds with new flowers.

I am heartened that I can see them from 82nd or Holgate. It will be good to visit them.

So....another year older. Spent the afternoon with family and shared a tasty birthday BBQ. My mom, dad, aunt and I have birthdays between April and May, so we celebrate as a unit. It's like Christmas in Springtime. Greer played nicely with his younger cousin - and generally wore himself down with horseplay and shameless giggling. Later, I received a couple of birthday phone calls - including a serenade from my pastor and her spouse. What more can you ask for?

I do feel a little foolish for allowing my 35th to pass (on a Saturday night, no less) without some sort of evening celebration with my friends, but given the circumstances of the last month..... Maybe we'll do something later. I would enjoy the company.

Spent the last couple days working and cleaning, for the most part. We approved the headstone for the girls on Monday - and look forward to seeing it placed sometime in late May/early June. There have been breaks....a lunch together, a walk in the park - and the spontaneous procurement of ice cream. Greer has been in daycare part-time - and we've been spending a lot of effort trying to reclaim the house from the last several weeks. It's something that keeps us occupied while we process things. Each room is getting attention - and the basement is gradually becoming less of a pit. The yard is still a jungle, but I expect to address that next week.

My recent screening at the Clinton was its usual lowbrow self. A small group for each of the DAY AFTER EARTH DAY shows. Still, I enjoyed every minute of it. Showing films felt normal, and the subject matter was close to my heart.

The Clinton has helped fill a space in my soul.

When the girls were still in the hospital, I took some time away and attended a sold out screening at the CST of Les Claypool's new film, Electric Apricot: Quest for Festeroo. When I arrived amongst the throng of fans, I found immediate support from the theater staff. Hugs and tears all around. Since Seth and Nicola know Les and his wife, I found myself at their table. It was a surreal experience as I sat across from them - prior to the show - and had to tell them my sad news. It was the only thing I could bring as a conversation piece. Thankfully, they were kind - and offered support and sympathy. In the midst of it all, Seth asked me to introduce the film and the director/producer Q&A following the show. It felt so strange to come from such sadness - to the thundering applause of a theater full of people. It was a gift. A moments rest. And then it was over.

When I first met Les, it was at a concert, right after we had Greer. I was a new father.

I wish the second meeting could have been more like the first.